i love accidental penises.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
