1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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