I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
