My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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