he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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