Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
