I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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