Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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