Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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