Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize