Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
NoShamevember. You game?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
