if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
