You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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