your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
