So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my poor anus
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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