I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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