How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
