2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
