Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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