my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
