I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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