So many bounce houses so little time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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