I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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