Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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