the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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