talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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