last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
