i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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