dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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