he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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