i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
