Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
