This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
