well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
