mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
