He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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