I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
