I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
