she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
