my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
