i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
