dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
