Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
