Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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