You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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