I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
