I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
