im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
