Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
