I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
