She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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