Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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