Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
