Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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