i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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