Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
