so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This baby is an asshole
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize