I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
