don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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