I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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