No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
