She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
