i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
