I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
operation harelip BJ is a go
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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