Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
