And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
