I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
