So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
