my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize