i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
