DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
