You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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