Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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