Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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