im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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